I never imagined that sitting down to write again would be so difficult, almost impossible if I’m brutally honest. In my mind, the words flow like the ocean, and telling the story of how my entire life has changed and my world has completely evolved is effortless and putting it all together in a blog post should, in theory, feel like second nature to me… well, I suppose that’s why there is such a big difference between theory and practice or shall I say, reality. Truth be told, I’ve been sitting here for hours, changing the look and feel of my site, customizing the menus, updating the details, everything except actually writing a post. The simplest and most accurate way to put it is that I am completely and utterly terrified.For reasons unknown, the thought of writing again, sharing again, scares the life out of me.
It’s been such an incredibly long time since I’ve been able to let go, open up and really just write from that place deep inside of me that always seems burst open, explode; like a volcano, whenever I start telling my story. For so long, I’ve felt as though I’ve lost that place, that feeling and whenever I did feel as though it might be coming back to me, I, very quickly suppressed it. I don’t have a logical or even justifiable explanation for this, like so many other things in my life lately, I just stopped wanting to share, wanting to talk about it. People have never stopped asking me to tell my story, I never stop getting requests for a new post and people ask on so many occasions why I haven’t written a book yet. At one point I started saying that I don’t write anymore, the shock and horror was enough to stop me from ever using that line very quickly. Honestly, I think that I possibly just got tired of living in that story and although I know that I need to tell it as much as others need to hear it, I think needed to heal from it too. I need to find myself beyond that and become whoever Mands was / is after ‘the big story’ and maybe ignoring it for a while was what needed to be done for me to get that right.
So here we are. All this time has gone by, life carried on and absolutely everything changed. I have changed. My big story has become, well, just a chapter in a bigger story. What I thought was the biggest thing I could ever go through, the one experience that would shape my entire existence has become a big part in this huge Tornado that is my life and as it turns out, my story is so much more than a Cancer journey and I have so much more to share. I am so much more than a cancer survivor and MY STORY IS NOT OVER!
I have so much to catch up on… so many stories to tell… so many posts to make….
The great part is… I’m ready to share again. I am ready to inspire and be inspired. I’m ready to tell my story. I don’t want to take this journey on my own. There is simply too much to see, too much to do and life is too short to go through it alone. As I look through my old posts and read my blog from the beginning, there is one thing I am absolutely sure of, sharing my journey and walking my road through this blog kept me sane, the feedback, the love, the inspiration and the comfort I got from my followers made every moment of that fight worth it. So, as I carry on with this journey, walk with me and we’ll go on all these adventures, the good, the bad and the ugly… together. ONE DAY AT A TIME
One Day At A Time